Something To Smile About

Finally, things are turning up pretty well amidst the circus brought by Election 2007. The Permanent People's Tribunal (PPT) based in The Netherlands handed a guilty verdict for President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and her Administration for 'crimes against humanity'. PCIJ story (filed by former journalist Rommel Regalado Bagares, who is now working as a lawyer and pursuing masteral studies in The Netherlands), stated that President Arroyo and her government is responsible for:

• Gross and systematic violations of civil and political rights; extrajudicial killings, abductions and disappearances, massacres, torture;
• Gross and systematic violation of economic, social and cultural rights; and
• Gross and systematic violations of the rights to national self-determination and liberation.

The families of victims of human rights violation committed by the government will continue to grieve, but this, for sure, is something for them to smile about.

Jove Francisco wrote in his blog, By Jove! interesting replies from President Secretary Ignacio Bunye and Secretary Norberto Gonzales about the PPT's decision. Bunye sent several BLANK text messages (To read: NO COMMENT? Was he just to lazy to simply type the two-word reply?) when prodded to comment; Gonzales, on the other hand grabbed the wrong portion of his balls (Oopppsss!) by saying words like "propaganda front" and "kangaroo court" as he refered to PPT. Is Gonzales in partial denial of his guilt over his share of wrong advices over issues of national security?

Inquirer said yesterday that PPT will send copies of the verdict to United Nations and International Court of Justice. However the Administration continues to resist facing the issue of human rights violation, international and local attention given to it will force the issue of the Administration's apparent lack of moral standing on protecting human rights.

***

I wonder though, what the Commission on Human Rights (CHR) will say on this. Last week, CHR released a statement that there were no direct evidences to pin down Major General Jovito Palparan on the charges of killings and human rights violations in Central Luzon.

Hmmm...

Why Some Filipinas Remain Single

A NOTE OF WARNING

Before reading through and blaming me at the end that you wasted your time reading an entry as rubbish as this one, just let me say that I DID WARN YOU. This entry contains ADULT materials – adult as a psychological reference and not your biological age in years. It has no reference at all to my personal life or to anyone I know, so anyone who can relate or who thinks he/she is made a subject in any part of it is totally mistaken and is delusional the he/she is the focal point of the universe. Everything in this entry is BIASED on the way I see things. It is based on pure observation and is not scientific in anyway. More importantly, not any part of this should be quoted against me until the day I die.

So if you think you have guts enough to take it, read through. If you have none, then go jerk off. (I am just kidding. NO!) Seriously, if you think you better spend your time browsing the net for anything more interesting than this, go check the web for - uhm… your death clock?

An Attempt to an Almost 24-Hour/ Weekday-Weekend Analysis of Living with a Pinoy

(How a female sees the GOOD and BAD of ‘living with’ the opposite sex.)

You wake up:

• Without an alarm, because all you need to do to awaken your senses is breathe deeply and smell the scent of masculine sweat which is almost like something undergoing the process of fermentation, however often he takes a bath.
• Start the day comparing who had the most stinky morning breath through a quick ‘good morning’ kiss. You just wish he doesn’t shove his tongue to your throat.
• Frostbitten because he’s so fond of turning the A/C to high cool but hugs the blankie all to himself with the premise that you are well-insulated as what is biologically natural for females (he was watching too much Animal Planet before he hit the sack).
• With the sheets all crumpled at one side of the bed because his idea of sleeping is closely related to break dancing. You have managed to sew the sheets on the bed to satisfy your obsessive-compulsive behavior, but he is really good at this. Now your bills are piling up since you have to shop for new sheets every month – or twice a month.
• Being forced to act like a sex slave however hard you explain to him that you are running late for an appointment because he was having the morning erection and he wants to take advantage of the opportunity, saying that: “Honey, we will miss times like this when the time comes that I’ll have to use Viagra to get it up.” You just wish that would come – soon before you lose your job.
• Get off the bed but slipped on the floor face down as you are rushing to go first in the bathroom because he changes clothes (and underwear) like a snake that changes skin and leaves it anywhere. You blame him for your bleeding nose, he promises to put the dirty clothes at the laundry bin, but he keeps promises like this for only 12 hours. Every time you look at the mirror you are reminded that you are in dire need of a nose job and a helmet to protect your head from further injuries due to dirty laundry. And your officemates are considering consulting the Women’s Desk at a local police because they think you are suffering from domestic abuse. (Can this be considered as one?)

In the Bathroom, you:

• Feel that you don’t need any form of exercise because every morning is a race between him and you as to who goes first. You get your 15-minute going-and-bathing compared to his let-me-read-the-paper-while-going which usually involves reading the daily paper from sections to sections to cover to cover and he proudly tells you the he only takes about for 3 minutes to bathe. (Most of them don’t scrub and apply hair conditioner.)
• Have to make sure you get the first turn throne, if not you better prepare yourself to sit on urine and fecal debris all over the toilet seat cover. If you get too unlucky, he might even forget to flush. (And they wonder and ask you how you knew so well what they ate.)
• Can either share the morning going and bathing ritual with him, only if you can take the smell of other people’s waste without feeling your stomach welling up to puke? No scented candles and oil can fight the smell of his waste which often reminds you of his missed turns to take the garbage out.
• Agree to share the bathroom with him, but it works his hormones up that he again starts to feel really hot over your naked presence (while brushing your teeth at that) and pleads to go for another round which means that you will have to call the office to tell the secretary that you will be off for half a day. And you have to bathe again after because you will surely smell like his aftershave all over. Not good at all.
• Have to make sure you locked the bathroom door; otherwise the same as the above will surely happen.
• Have to have your own set of soaps if you are using one instead of the body wash/gel type – that is if you hate seeing his pubic hair all over your soap. Usually males cannot understand the hygienic value of washing the soap after use. Make sure that you put your set not within his reach from the toilet seat.
• Have to be aware that he doesn’t switch your towels because his towel smells like a decaying mammal because he forgets to hang it every after use. (You have to notice that sometime soon that mushrooms will start growing on his towel.) It pays a lot to have the towel color-coded or name-embroidered if you can’t take offending him by telling him straight.

While changing, you:

• Realize that you need your own closet because you cannot find your clothes from all the piles of his slightly worn, twice-tried yet unworn clothes that forever smells like the strong scent of his underarm deodorizer, if you are sharing closets.
• Still see some of his belongings inside your own personal, double locked closet that he manages to rummage every time you are out of the house or just not looking. His reason: maybe his other sock was somewhere there. But you start asking yourself if he is trying your clothes when you are out of sight.
• Have to have your own comb because if he shares it with you, you have to use it first because if he gets on it before you do, and it’ll all be covered with hair gel remains that will surely cause damage to your hair.

Over breakfast, you:

• Have to make coffee to make sure that he doesn’t serve you last night’s brew which he believes doesn’t spoil at all. Something in him believes that the sour taste is actually part of the coffee’s strong blend until you convince him that the white foamy float only shows that it is spoiled; and is actually a lower life form that will eventually evolve to a dinosaurs that’ll eat us all. (He is so fascinated with dinosaurs lately that every time you use those as an example, he gets frenzied and believes whatever you say – fact or fiction.)
• Prepare a hearty meal, or ask the house help to do it because he often reminds you that male activities burn too much calories and he needs his feeding to be really substantial for the day but he only takes a couple of bites because he is running late and so are you.
• Try to read the paper over coffee but cannot figure out which section comes first with what page because every time he gets a hold of the paper before you do, every portion gets lost. At the worst case, you cannot actually read it because it’s soaking because once again, he forgets to put it in the magazine rack in the bathroom after reading it so it was actually bathing with him.
• Get two different dailies to make sure you read the news but still he reads both papers and you end up with nothing – thank CNN and BBC! Too bad if he watches sports reruns on cable over breakfast.

On the way to work, you:

• Either leave ahead of him or he does, but in any case, he demands that you tell him where you are even if he is fully aware of your to-the-office route – or if you reached the office, to somehow ease his guilt of not driving you there.
• Are bothered by several calls from him that you get distracted to drive because he most probably left something at home and can’t find it so he asks you that as if it is your eternal duty to keep track of his things for him. You have imagined telling him to fuck off after several times of diplomatically telling him that you have no idea where this and that of his is but he remains unconvinced that you haven’t seen any of those things that he needs to bring at work all of the sudden, but you don’t want to get him aroused with the mere mention of the f word – and so again. You will definitely lose your job if he does.
• Attend to work as soon as you get to the office, forgets to call him that you reached your destination safely, and he starts bugging you again because you didn’t call.

At work, you:

• Try to finish everything to avoid overload the next day or deal with work and inconsiderate co-workers, lucky for some who love what they are paid to do, then you receive a call from him only to ask whether you had your lunch and he starts talking about the way he hates his boss and the call lasted for an hour wasting your lunchtime and thinking if you will be more productive if he gets himself a shrink.

After work, you:

• Are finally glad to be free and have coffee with your friends. But he starts his annoying calls and messages in your voicemail asking where you are, who you are with, what are you doing and what time will you be home – that as if he intends to come home early after his night-out with the boys.

Once you get home, you:

• Have been dying to hit the sack and be earlier at work the next day, only to realize that you have to wait for him to be home since he probably left his keys at home (or just can’t find it) and you won’t be able to sleep because when he gets home, he starts a doorbell concert as a sign of impatience. You don’t want to alarm the neighbors if he attempts to go over the fence and try to break in, would you? And when he comes back, he will kiss you in the cheeks and ask you why you are still up.
• Are glad that he’s home early from work, and he prepares the dinner – only, he prepares his usual spam and eggs – the only meal that he can cook even with eyes closed. Over dinner, he again starts talking about his day at work, which you had over lunch. He expects you to be empathetic over his unfortunate rack-and-file position at some corporate office and how he wants to start putting up his own company so you will stop working. Some men are programmed into thinking that the only reason you work is to pay for your bills, they cannot fully grasp that part of working is finding meaning to the career that you choose to have.
• Get a shower before you hit the sack, and finds him in bed all ready for the end-of-the-day round. And since he is undoubtedly sexy as hell, you jump at the offer like some rabid dog. As soon as he comes, you are sure to listen to his snoring like that of an ailing whale. Now you understand why the neighbors are complaining of brutal animal killings in your home and you have to prove during the homeowners’ association meeting that it was actually your partner and not some demonic ritual involving slaughter of animals that caused all the disturbance.
• Want to get enough sleep so you give him a give him a good whack in the shin but only the pitch and the tempo of the snoring changes. So you decide to record his musical (if you might want to call it that) concerto that you can use to blackmail him in the future. Imagine how powerful your ex-partners are.
• Finally gave up waiting for that moment’s silence and disappeared into oblivion – with the hope that tomorrow will be different. But it wouldn’t be.

Over the weekend, you:

• Are glad to finally get a couple of days off from work, but his relatives suddenly start pouring into your home for that unwanted family day. You can see your peace of mind walking away with your sanity but you get distracted from it all because you have one thousand relatives to exchange friendly kisses with and they all expect you to remember their names and how they are related to your partner.
• Feel like committing a parricide when his parents visit you because they keep bugging you about getting married, having children (because your childbearing clock is ticking and they so wanted to have grandchildren).
• Should also keep that smile whenever they give their unsolicited advice on the interiors of your house; they may be planning to make it an extension of their house or at the worst, maybe, move in?
• Thought of inviting him for shopping, he agrees, but gives you a face because it takes too long for you to decide which shoes you want to buy. If only he had an idea that you are just making sure that you don’t want to waste your money buying things you might not use more than once. He keeps niggling you with all the things he needs to buy and asking you to do it for him but he doesn’t want to have his share of the pain of shopping because he thinks you enjoy walking around the mall filled with consumerism zombies looking out for items on sale.
• Both decide to watch a movie – but only the movie that he wants to watch since you can watch the movie you want with your girlfriends.
• Need to wash all your underwear because you are too ashamed to send it to the laundry with all the used clothes. Get set to wash the skid marks off.
• Feel lucky because he finally pursued his long-planned weekend getaway for both of you – only, it involves fishing which you have no liking at all. He doesn’t even bother asking what YOU like to do.
• Get some time off him and start with that book that you are dying to read because he plays basketball with the boys during weekend. The only trouble is getting his sweaty underarms all over you after the game. He feels sexy smelling his own sweat, maybe you should too. Nose plugs might work for you after all.

Your weekday quandary starts again.

But what’s with all the fuss over these things? Well, maybe it is LOVE. Or martyrdom. Only a few people know the difference anyway.

Coming Out

I was checking out details about the controversial Ang Ladlad - this party list for Bisexual, Gays, Lesbians and Transgenders (BGLT) has been on the news several weeks ago for their disqualification as a party list (due to their failure to define their presence on a national level) and then later, their Chairman was classified by the COMELEC as a nuisance Senatorial bet in the upcoming national and local election in May, and then much later, he declared his candidacy as congressman in QC's 3rd District.

Honestly, I had mixed emotions on this one. First, I was in some way glad that members of the third sex will finally have their representation over legislation. I heard PROGAY got to run for 2007 election as a party list and not Ang Ladlad. I had seen interviews of Remoto, Chairman of Ang Ladlad, on www.youtube.com - two things:

1) He seemed to have projected a 'pangmasang bading' (so much like the one who does your 'mani' and 'pedi' in the salon). GOOD: BGLT in this stratum in the Continuum of Third Sex are among the least represented in legislation. BAD: Other BGLTs might find it a bit repulsive, typecasting them as mere 'PARLORISTAs' (i.e. walang class?) - an image that they have been breaking out of. "Rosa", the gay who does my nails, 21 years old, even thinks so. He said Ang Ladlad makes 'them' look 'cheap' - that's his exact word when I asked him what he thinks about the whole issue.

2) Although Remoto said that they had a nationwide membership through affiliates, and that the COMELEC can check their members to verify; he also cautioned that some of their members cannot go public because they are 'closet gays'. Quite ironic, if you ask me. Ladlad in Tagalog means 'coming out' (of something). If they are to represent the BGLT community in congress as party list, their membership should 'come out' or kailangan magladlad to lobby for their cause. (It takes one's acceptance of who he is before he can make others accept him, di ba?)

I asked several BGLT friends about their say on Ang Ladlad, and they all expressed their disappointment on its failure to give them the representation that they want, away from the typical "tomboys and badings".

Ang Ladlad, maybe not on this election.

***

A friend told me about this story. It seems funny, but I guess the person involved in this story - if it even happened at all - wouldn't think so.

A Lesbian was applying for a job on a company in Makati. The HR interviewing said, "It says here (on the resume) that you are a member of the third sex." (Also, the Lesbian was dressing up as such.) The Lesbian said yes.

Probably to establish further the interviewee's personality during (or mere curiousity), HR asked, "So, are you a "practicing" lesbian?" The Lesbian answered, "No. I don't practice it. I have mastered it."

The latter wasn't hired.

Moral of the story: Wrong answer for a wrong interview question.

This Isn't Just Any Other Bad Day

Yesterday we learned that a friend's dad who was reported missing since March 2 was finally found. As expected he was already dead.

***

During the past couple of weeks, we have been occupied with formulating the possible reasons of his 'disappearance'. At the current political state, it isn't an impossibility that people - regardless of their political leanings, if they even have one, disappear without any trace. Think about the countless political and extrajudicial killings that we constantly read on the dailies.

In a country where poverty remains unsolved and crime rates are justified by the latter, we have also considered that he was probably mugged somewhere, body left somewhere and nobody would seem to care. After all, what's another robbery-related killing than mere statistics in the ballooning crime rate these days?

With so much empathy, Dad at least refused to offer all reasons I mentioned above. In such an instance, a possibility of a bad news will erase the little hope they have in ever finding him. So we got into thinking of other 'more pleasing' possibilities.

Male, in his early 50's, has been working for most of his life raising a family of 7. He had sent them to school, children got well-paying jobs, and the youngest among the children is still in grade school. Male, after years of service and hard work gets a big bonus; went to the office to collect it and suddenly disappears.

The family, friends and co-workers attested that Male has been quite a discerning family man, so that erases the possibility of him having another family out of the marriage that he could disappear to. They said his only activity after work is staying in front of the TV, i.e. spending it at home, in the comforts of his own family. A truth, since when he didn't come home, Wife have had a difficulty sleeping, was up crying most times.

I asked myself, if I were him, going through life with all that he'd done for his family and getting the opportunity to give a little something for myself, I'd probably be off somewhere fulfilling a long desired dream, like say, taking a vacation somewhere, going home to my province where my relatives are - but two weeks is a bit to long to be lost in fulfilling a dream and making your family worry about where you are. (The longest I can get lost with the luxury of time doing the things I'd want to do is less than 24 hours - and I'm not even freakishly a 'family person'.)

His family's efforts in finding him, after continuous plugs in all TV networks and radio stations and inquiries in hospitals and police stations, had ended up in submission to the fact that 'he might have died'. Through a friend, they even managed to check surveillance tapes taken from the Metro Rail Transport that he often takes when he goes home. And so they waited for the news to come.

***

A doctor at a public hospital in Manila responded to a TV plug sent by the family. He said that Male came to the hospital several times to seek treatment for a heart condition, which he kept from his family all these times. March 2, he went there directly from work, allegedly complaining of a chest pain he was suffering from. They admitted him for treatment. In a few days, he suffered a heart attack leading to a stroke that has paralyzed his speech and movement. Yesterday, he died from the disease.

Although almost everyone who followed the drama of his disappearance entertained the idea of him being dead after weeks of failed attempt in finding him, it was still hard to accept. (Until now, I am saddened by what happened, and frustrated that there isn't much to do.)

When I heard about it, I had lots of questions in my mind: What are the treatments the doctor/ hospital gave him? Was he given proper medications? Why didn't they bother informing the family of his state? What are the usual procedures in cases as such in hospitals? Is this another failure on the part of public health system? Why did the doctor/ hospital just bother getting in touch with the family only after seeing the call for missing person on TV? Are doctors only concerned in valuing the life of a single person without considering its meaning in a greater context - his family, for instance? Was that even just for humane reasons?

Somehow, in bits and pieces, some of the questions were answered. Although, I wasn't personally satisfied with the answers I got, but at this time, it was all that I had.

As a standard, Male received work-ups and was advised for immediate admission. Probably, Male didn’t think it’d be his last visit to the hospital; it didn’t cause an alarm to inform his family. After three days, he was in coma from heart attack and stroke. The doctor admitted to have taken one thousand pesos from his wallet to cover medications. (But later I learned that he didn’t receive the medication because the money he got was insufficient. The money was nowhere to be found and remained unaccounted for.)

It is part of hospital proceedings, public and private, to have the patient or a representative thereof in case he is not in the right mental state to sign a waiver and submit to medical procedures. As I can remember the last time I had to undergo another surgical procedure due to a breast mass last year, the waiver said something like: YOU (patient) is in full capacity – mental and otherwise, to submit yourself to a medical procedure but with a disclaimer at the end that there’ll be no assurance of a cure. That’s not exactly the words on the waiver that I signed, but that clearly captures everything in it. (I think that goes almost the same in public hospitals.) I even had a friendly discourse with my doctor about the irony of the statement in the waiver. I mean, come on. The reason you went to a doctor/ hospital is to seek a cure to whatever your ailment is. Otherwise, how different could they be from faith healers?

Anyway, after seeking out legal advice from friends regarding Male’s case, they said that the doctor cannot be sued for medical malpractice – assuming that he was given all work-ups and medications that were well documented. The hospital can also get away with negligence because he most probably signed a waiver before admission.

In the course of desperation over helplessness, I had asked a few friends from the media for help – to expose (if there is anything to expose) the way public health service is delivered by looking through Male’s case. This isn’t just one case of negligence and apparent inhumane hospital practice (I don’t know if I coined this right.)They told me almost the same thing, like what my doctor and lawyer friends told me. If there was no evident malpractice and negligence, what is there to expose? I was near begging when I told them, “Well, you can always look at the delivery of public health service to the poor and the expensive cost of medicines in the country!”

They said: mass media had done countless of reports on that, how different could this one be? It seems that this isn’t one of the stories that sell like hot potato. (It’s hard to get through mainstream media on an ordinary season, and with the national and local election coming, the mainstream media circus comes along with them.) Working for almost two years in the media had taught me, that the news we get is altered to fit the demands of the market: and that we are mere readers, watchers, listeners, consumers or more aptly, absorbers.

***

So, this isn’t just any other bad day. We will be at the wake tonight. But I had one thought in my mind: “Can doctors go beyond the practice of medicine and be more humane? After all, medicine shouldn’t be just about saving life, but valuing life farther than its biological worth.”

Why We Have Been Drinking

It has never bothered me that at times, I go out and drink alone. After all, men are not the only ones who should get an alcohol-induced stress debriefing from work. But this was easier to pull off in Manila, I tried doing that in several cities in the provinces but I got snares and smirks from almost anyone - males and females, of all ages.

Aside from celebrations, drinking has been associated with depression (the origin of which, I have yet to do some research). Culturally, Filipinos usually indulge in an all-nighters to relieve themselves from a very serious problem; with the intention of not really finding solution to it, but in the context of sharing it among friends and seeking their advice and 'wisdom', e.g. Recent break-up from a relationship, family problems, etc. Ma"bote"ng usapan, kumbaga. Others, those classified to be suffering from alcohol abuse, just drink because they have to and need to. I am far from being classified as one, since there are more sober hours in my life than otherwise. But I admit that my tolerance with alcohol is a bit higher - than average. This is probably due to years of fieldwork during my undergraduate years and work.

In Anthropology fieldwork, drinking is an informal way of data gathering. Stories and information that you find hard to get through normal research methods (key informant interviews, surveys, focus group discussions, etc) becomes easily available for you. When drunk, members of the community become more at ease with you, they talk to you about a lot of things that is reflective of their culture that are usually considered a taboo to talk about or share with an outsider at any other circumstance. You also get to witness certain levels of relations and interactions that are essential to the 'study' that you are doing.

But this does not excuse anthropologists to drink. Don't get the wrong idea. Drinking in fieldwork is optional, of course. You can either remain a sober observer, or not. But the key to this informal method is to be aware of your limits, as does in any other setting.

It was quite challenging the few years when I started doing research as course requirements and drinking. Although I have come from a family with most mortality due to alcoholism, it wasn't until I was about 18 when I tasted my first glass of Zombie (I am not sure, but I think it's a mix of carrot juice/ tomato juice and vodka?). It must be in my genes that I don't easily get zonked, and if I feel that I am getting a bit woozy, I stop or nap - whichever is more convenient. And as you expected, everything else followed.

Work has no difference. My first ever research job was with an American Anthropologist (who has a very close resemblance with George Clooney, by the way); his idea of work is actually fun. So imagine how I felt then, fresh from college, doing work in a community near a white sand beach and with a co-worker/ boss who works only from 10:00 AM to 2:00 PM, four days a week. After work, we would walk from the town center to the place we rent near the beach, about nine kilometers, with Tanduay and Coke in hand. We'd drink until midnight by the beach, talk about work, things we need to get done and eventually he'd start convincing me to pursue studies in the US; he'd end up singing ala Frank Sinatra disturbing the quietness of the isolated beach. We spent most of our time off work traveling to near communities and gambling - sabong or cockfighting which we did a video-documentary for his post-graduate class in Oregon. (He paid for all the money I lost in sabong anyway.) Every payday, we would stay out late playing poker or tong-its which he thought would be a great way to get the money he paid me back, but he failed.

Other works that followed after that was less fun compared to the first, but equally consisted of drinking - as part of work.

To highlight some, my work with the Aytas in Zambales for years had made me well-adjusted to drinking Ginebra San Miguel, as in the bilog from the bottle with only water from the artesian well to wash the after taste and your own saliva for pulutan which I'd rather consume than palakang bukid. (I don't care if it tastes like chicken, what concerns me is that it doesn't look like one.)

I stayed for more than a year in Baseco, an urban poor area near the port in Manila for a year, doing research and community profile; then, I learned to drink as early as 7:00AM with a group of mothers; one of them was catheterized and was always with her urine collection bag from a kidney failure operation some years back, and every time she drank beer I'd feel a sudden urge to touch the part of my body where my kidneys are. She's still alive, with her own house from Gawad Kalinga and still drinks. It was a session that I so look forward to. I get to hear about these mothers' stories about poverty, living in poverty and relationships, especially stories about wife beating. Also, I have witnessed more killings than I could probably contain. Remember in Pinoy movies when the siga runs amok and slashes everyone who crosses his path? Yes, that type.

An aspect of this work that I think I won't trade for anything else is that work doesn't stop after eight hours. It starts as soon as you get the project and doesn't end at all. After each report, we always go back to the place, as if we've become a part of it. I still attend fiestas in Lupang Pangako, Payatas - the place where the metro dump is; still drink in Mang Kaloy's house that is just a spit away from the infamous dump - his family died from the slide years ago.

As a group of anthropology grad would say, drinking and work blends well.